One Big Happy
by Ari and the Kool Kidz Gang
Summary: Max II and Ari absolutely love their job. What's not to love about getting to make fun of the flock all the time? Of course there is one downside... Jeb has to work somewhere. {Literally just a dumb Max II and Ari scene.}


"Gee. I sure do wonder what could possibly be in this wonderful word vomit from the blessed mouth of Maximum Ride." I couldn't help but snort a little at Max II's about her genetic twin, possibly her four hundred and fiftieth of the night. Although, I couldn't say I was finding them any less entertaining than hour after hour of watching my half sister.

Neither of us found the chore particularly enjoyable, so why not make a game out of it when we could. We'd stopped listening to her talk a _long_ time ago. All she ever talked about anyways was _rallying together _and _remembering the mission _with the occasional _listen to me because I said so._ Max II's speeches were way better than Max's would ever be. Or could ever hope to be if we're being honest.

"I don't know," I shook my head as I watched the small screen, searching the other kids bored faces to see if any one of them was paying attention. Maybe Nudge. "Probably declaring her love for Fang for the six millionth time. Or complaining about his love of redheads." Max II says I might have a tiny problem with hyperboles or something. She always teases me about it but I don't know what she's talking about.

She didn't really respond, just kind of nodded. She was probably looking for something else to make fun of, not that it was hard. There were the usual areas she went for, Max's speeches, Fang in general, and sometimes Fang and Max as a singular unit. Okay, mostly Max and Fang as a singular unit. I'm not going to lie, as funny as her jokes are... it's kind of... ick.

"Oh no." Max II's voice was her usual deadpan, but a small smirk crossed her face. It's a Fang joke. I can feel it. "Someone took their eyes off Fang. What if he sees a mirror?" There it is. I'm good at patterns. Even Max II's, even though she pretends she doesn't have any. But I've had time to learn, she tolerates me more than anyone.

"Well, then we'd know the traps were working." Fang's vanity was also a common topic. Part of me wants to ask her a serious question. Part of me knows she'd laugh at me. Well, maybe not laugh. But she wouldn't really care. Jokes are more fun anyways. "Maybe we should let them stay in school awhile. See if they can get an IQ above that of your average brick." That was weak. They're not necessarily stupid. At least some of them aren't. But Max kind of dooms them all. What with her _I'm too good to get caught_ attitude. I kind of wish I could go to school with them too. Just for fun, you know? Like, maybe learn something. Nevermind. Max II and I are doing just fine on our own. She can read kind of, and I can listen to her for more than five minutes without wanting to set myself on fire. So it works out.

"Oh my gosh. Look at me! I'm Maximum Ride and I think I could probably dent a truck if it hit me. I should try it just to prove a point. Fang, let's go." Max II begins on one of her "lip readings" of Max's speech. "I'm far too smart to ever have anyone catch me because I'm the smartest freakshow on the planet because I can fake a plan!" Max II is truly amazing, she manages to say all this without changing her tone at all. "I bet if we asked Fang that's probably not the only thing she fakes." I was waiting for that one.

"What does that mean?" She never tells me. I always ask.

"Don't worry about it Batchelder." How informative. I'm sure I don't actually want to know. But she thinks it's funny, and I want to laugh too. She drops her voice a little before mocking Fang, tossing her hair over her eyes. "Hey, hey Max. I could be a truck if you wanted and I believed. I think you're super different than other girls, also I have a date tonight so..." Sometimes I wonder if I should show her Fang's blog. I bet she'd read it out loud if I asked. And then we could make fun of it together. I'm really glad she can't read minds. Although...

"How come we never get new powers?" She'll have something good to say about that I'm sure. She can't stand Angel.

"Because Ari. We're too much smarter than Fang already. He wouldn't stand a chance if you were smarter and you could talk to like birds or something. I don't know. Probably because Jeb loves them." Alright. That was a little more personal than I was hoping for. Not that we didn't know that already. Max II looked at me quickly and seemed to rethink, but didn't correct herself. There wasn't a point to correcting it anyways. We're not really about self pity. Unlike some people.

I think she made a few more jokes, but I don't really feel like talking anymore. She's not wrong. Max may be a pretty sucky half sister, but no one can say Jeb doesn't play favorites. And apparently sucky donor daughter is better than kind of decent natural son. Max II and Max are genetic copies though, so obviously she had to get the sucky personality from somewhere. Maybe the man who raised her, so I guess I'm glad I didn't turn out like her. Still. I've heard having a father is generally recommended for children.

It's a few minutes later when I realize Max II's face is kind of, showing an emotion? What is that? It looks like when we have to watch Max and Fang together. Disgust! That's it! But all that's happening on screen is Nudge filling space. Nudge is usually the only one she leaves alone. I guess she figures everyone else picks on her enough.

Suddenly I catch a whiff of antiseptics mixed with gross cologne and that smell you get when you put on deodorant after sweating.

"What do you want Dad?" I scowled as I swiveled around in the chair. Nothing gets me in a good mood like the sweat stained lab coat that calls itself my father. I don't think he heard me. He's watching his precious daughter on the screen. Wonderful. He pulls a third rolling chair up between us without looking away. First of all how dare he.

"How's she doing?" He asked quietly. He's got to be kidding. Max II says I shouldn't let it get to me. That he's always been like this and Max will always be the favorite, but that doesn't make it less irritating. How would she even know? She's like 3. And, like, I couldn't even get a, 'Hey Ari. How are you? Still alive?' Nothing. Not that I answer him anyways.

Oh. Look at that. He turned to look at me. Recognize me? "Ari," He knows my name! "How's she doing?" Same way she's always doing. Max II caught my eye before miming a stabbing behind Jeb and grinning.

"She's fine. Perfectly fine." Am I turning into Max II? Or have I gone too far and become Fang? Can I pray the Fang away? Not that I've ever been to church. Can I pray now without a church. I just want Jeb to go away. Maybe Max II will make him go away for me. I think she can maybe feel my need. She's gently kicking his chair while he watches her. It's getting less and less gentle. Thank the lab for Max II.

"Is there anything else you want to know, or do you want us to leave you alone with some ice cream and tissues?" Max asked, rolling her eyes as she pushed Jeb's chair out from between us and sat closer to me instead. Once more. Thank the lab for Max II. Jeb's face was wildly unamused, almost matching Max II's utter lack of interest in his feelings. "Hey Ari, do you think we could clone Jeb and get a decent parent?" She asked loudly, turning to smile at me. Wow. She's never really been that upfront about it. Jeb stood up quickly to glare at her and opened his mouth to say something to her, but, as always, Max II beat him to it. "Probably not, I mean it's got some pretty strong genes to overcome." Jeb made a strange gesture that looked a lot like he wanted to strangle her before turning quickly and walking out.

"Don't worry Ari. You're already a hell of a lot better than he is." She reassured me, and strangely, it felt a little better. "Still pretty nerdy. But nerdy with social skills." Max II was quick to clarify her compliment. Heaven forbid someone actually like me. But I guess tolerating me will do for now.

"Be quiet and do your job Max II."


End file.
